88 mph

Being drunk and philosophical is becoming quite a pastime of mine since I got this new job that allows me to see friends that would have forgotten me completely if I hadn't seen them for another while.

Being drunk allows you to ask silly child like questions and put it down to the drink, forgiving all stupidity immediately, like this gem that came up last night:

"If you could travel time, yeah?"

"Yeah"

"Where would you go"

"You mean when would you go"

"Yeah, yeah that's what I meant, so where would you go?"

"I'd have to do what yer man did in Back to the Future 2 and get rich off the book that gave all the sports results for the next fifty years"

"Nah, I don't like sport. People would suss me out"

"Nobody would know you, who'd suss you out?"

"You would, you fuck"

"Yeah, it would serve you right for not sharing the wealth"

"I'd have other problems"

"Like what?"

"Like no matter how much money I had, that DeLorean would never pass the NCT"

"Sure why would that even matter? You could travel back to a simpler time when there was no NCT at all. Happy days."

"Yeah but what if I was trying to get up to 88 mph and I got pulled in for speeding?"

"That'd be your luck alright"

"Yeah, and they'd probably follow me even if I did reach the optim, otpr, optimu, top speed and make it back to yesteryear."

"Can you imagine on the 9 o'clock news with your one that looks like a fake tanned foreskin: "Gardai have announced that all squad cars are to be fitted with flux capacitors following a spree of time traveling capers""

"Capers"

"Yeah"

"Those little green fuckers?"

"No, adventures."

"Say adventures then"

"Fair enough"

"Can't see Willie O'Dea giving the go ahead for a fictional piece of hardware for the Gardai to chase down time bandits."

"That'd be a great occupation to have on your CV, wouldn't it?"

"What?"

"Time Bandit. That's be a real ice breaker in an interview."

"What would happen though if your time machine broke down though, and you didn't have the luxury of your own mad scientist to fix it?"

"Well ahead of you, I'd have Christopher Lloyd locked up in storage"
"You know that he only played the character in the movies, he wouldn't actually know how to fix the time machine?"

"Oh yeah, but he could look after Stephen Hawkin who I would also would have pre-captured, then he could act out and pretend that he had fixed it"

"Right"

"I wonder though"

"Yeah?"

"If my time machine broke down tomorrow, could I get it fixed yesterday?"

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"Where's the toilet?"