The Smellumentary

Remember the smelly kid in school? Maybe that was you?

Do you have a smelly person in work? Is that you?

Never fret, because I am always at hand to make you feel better about your smelly self.

Two weeks ago I had a full week in which I did nothing, not a thing. And through both laziness and the fact that I had no where to be and nothing to do I ended up going to 6 days without showering.

"Fair enough", says the smelly reader down the back, "if you're staying in and only have yourself to consider then why not?".

And I agree, but it did get to the stage where I forgot what a shower would be like and because of this I began to procrastinate the whole activity. It wasn't until I shifted to grab the TV remote that had fallen between the couch cushions that I got a wiff of the epic grandeur that was me. It stank and I have no way to describe it other than rancid cheese pickled in crotch sweat.

And that was only one of the musks that I was generating.

This was because not only had I not cleaned any part of my body or it's orifices, but I had also not changed my clothes or underwear. For six days I fermented in the same socks, boxers and pyjamas I had put on after my last day at work before my break. I also had not brushed my teeth or even used a mouthwash.

I was a walking petree dish.

This got me thinking, could a person go for 30 days without washing or changing clothes and carry on in a normal way the way they usually would?

Would a person suffer any short or long term health effects of being a filth monger?

Would I get comfortable and break a lifelong habit of personal hygiene.

Think about that for a minute. None of us were born knowing that we had to wash or keep clean. How many times were you told by your parents to brush your teeth, take a bath and wash behind your ears? It's a life long habit that people just don't break. So would I have trouble adjusting to it? Would I adjust too easily and not want to go back to my clean ways?

Physical health problems in the short term are a given I suppose, but what about long term? Would there be any lasting psychological effects?

I would most certainly be evicted to the spare room by she who must be obeyed, but she'd understand. I'll probably have to make a trip to Louis Vuitton before, during and after to make it up.

It's something that I reckon would be informative and entertaining, but then again I would as it's my idea. Plus all the gross stains, rashes and disgusted looks from people on the LUAS would be good for a larf too!

What do you think?

Am I wasting my time? Should I concentrate on something more productive, or should I be smelly?

Leave comments as usual, but please fill out the form I have HERE to build up a record of people's opinions.

Embed the video on your site, link to it or pass it around - if you think it's worthy of course and help me build a profile to get this done.

If it ever gets made I'll pledge to do it for charity and give all proceeds to same.

Oh, and I've done a little artists impression of how I see my underwear turning out throughout the course of the whole episode:



And HERE'S the opinion form again.

If nothing else I could go for the world record for thickest skidmark!